Don't Stop Cold Turkey! (& Barney Butter Winners!)

Have you been burned in the entertaining realm – and you quit “cold turkey,” saying you’d never do it again?

I do know women who have put forth years of effort in “always having the party,” and then down the road they are so burned out, they completely quit practicing hospitality “cold turkey!”

They’re done!

Do you have relationships with friends that have gone sour?

How can you mix it up when you have the same couple over time and again?

Are we required to reciprocate?

Are friendships really a two-way street?

What do you do when you see friends running from intimacy?

This heartfelt comment I received from a reader recently might really hit home with you!

I am feeling lonely for some good adult conversation. I think I have trust issues to work through...... our couple of friendships have been disappointing to me of late. I find myself very distrusting!

It hurts
Ouch! This does hurt. And when trust is gone, it’s hard to light up the fire for entertaining again and reach out and give to others! When we feel hurt inside, do we just assume that it’s “ok” to feel this way, or do we check it out first? I read recently that 90% of anger in our hearts stems from frustrated plans or bruised egos.

It tells us that it’s okay to be ticked off, and then it tells us that we don’t have to forgive (because that person really doesn’t deserve it, right?)

It's about grace
Forgiving and moving on from past hurts has one cure: Grace. It’s beautiful and it’s free. It’s refreshing and it overflows to those around us, including our guests. It covers up our pain and it’s something that we can never get enough of!

Have you been burned by relationships, or are you just burned out by entertaining? Or both?! What have you done to resolve these sorts of issues and move forward into more gracious living?

I’d love to hear your story and address your issues in future posts, if you'd be willing to share.

Barney Butter WINNERS!
Congratulations to Betty in OK (no blog), Grace from A Southern Grace, and Rindy R from Kitchen Klique - you have each won a jar of Barney Butter! (and 90 calorie snack packs!)

But Wait - there’s something for everyone!
If you are not a winner don’t despair! You can find Barney Butter at Whole Foods Markets, the Fresh Market stores, and others….find more locations here: http://www.barneybutter.com/retail.html

Don’t live near a retail location?
Jennifer is offering FREE SHIPPING with the coupon code ‘reluctantentertainer’ for orders of $14 or more! So fellow bloggers –now is the time to take the Barney Butter button and share the Free Shipping news: Copy and paste the code into an html/java gadget on your blog! http://www.barneybutter.com/images/ext/barney-butter_125.jpg

Free shipping code is good through February 9th.

Want more free stuff?
Help Jennifer get Barney Butter into more stores by asking your favorite grocery store to carry it! Jennifer will send you a Free Barney Butter T-shirt and 90 Calorie Packets. Just write to Jennifer here http://www.barneybutter.com/contact.html and tell her how you helped s-p-r-e-a-d the word!

(Photos: My cousin Anni's beautiful photography "Turkey on a cold morning!" - Brrrr! Snowstorm last year - taken right around the corner from our home.)


Jenny said...

Your blog is so very encouraging!

Bev said...

I read a book by Beth Moore, "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things", thinking it would justify me. I was surprised, then not surprised to find the 'ungodly' she was referring to was me, rather than the one I thought was my offender. Obviously the Holy Spirit was speaking deeply to me, of this relationship that I'd let lie fallow for over two years. I phoned her, asked to meet, we cried, we prayed, we spoke truth to each other, we prayed more, and we forgave each other. Even when she asked, I would not list what I thought were her transgressions because by then I knew that was not the point, rather mine were. today we are dear, dear friends and treasure our friendship. Before it had not been tested, today it has and it's been found true. That restoring of a friendship through hard work that I wanted to run from has continued to be a motivator when I've needed to go to a friend again and ask forgiveness, confess my hurts, and my friendships today are deeper because of it. Much like a marriage, there will be bumps in any true friendshp, and it's worth the sometimes bumpy ride to be on the journey together.

Nadine said...

I have not ever stopped cold turkey. There have been times things slowed down because of the stuff of life, but never stopped. I love to entertain and have people over.

Barb said...

Yum--wish I'd won the Barney Butter! I think we forget that hospitality doesn't always hafta be the same. My husband's swamped with work right now, and just wants to be quiet on the weekends, but I can still have people over for lunch, share with others who need a little encouragement, and get to know people I don't know so well by introducing myself and asking about their lives when I encounter them. And when we get stung in one place, we just hafta pick ourselves up and start over again, somehow, some way, either with the same individuals or with new friends.

Myrna said...

The antidote is realizing Hospitality is a gift I give. Gifts with strings attached are not gifts at all. After a season of burn out, i made a few changes. The first in my attitude---I no longer looked for the reciprocation of a return invitation. My friends are gifted differently than I am, and I reap the benefit of those gifts when I do not box us in.
Other changes included, not being so kookoo about the condition of my house. Simplifying the table setting and menus. And delegating courses. "It's not what's on the table that matters, but who's on the chairs" Life long friendships have been forged at my dining room table. It has sort of been a front row seat to see the Lord at work in various challenges of life, and looking back, we are so thankful---looking forward, we are thinking of new ways and new people to bring to our home, along with the old. reminds me of the old GS jingle--"make new friends, but keep the old--one is silver and the other's gold"

OKGardners said...

I am so happy to have been selected a winner of BARNEY BUTTER!! This will be my very first taste of BARNEY BUTTER! This will be a new experience for me and my hubby. I had never heard of BARNEY BUTTER until your blog. I will send my mailing address on a personal email to you.
Thanks again for this great opportunity.

By the way, I found your Feb. article in Christian Woman Online. You are a gifted writer.
Check out Sandy's article in: http://www.christianwomenonline.net/

Betty in Oklahoma

Grace said...

aw, thanks again sandy!
and to date, i'm not yet burned out on anything except work, and i think that's to be expected. :)

Jen said...

Great words of wisdom. Something I needed today.

Rindy R said...

This blog speaks to me so much. It is hard to entertain unconditionally - but that is how God wants us to do it. Invite without expectations - I am still working on this.
Thank you for the Barney Butter! Can't wait to blog about it!

Ms. Tee said...

What a great post - thanks for sharing it! I'm trying to get caught up on my blog reading, now I have to go find out what barney butter is! ;)

Jeanneoli said...

What a wonderful post and the comments are great too. We can all get our feelings hurt by our friends, but without grace and forgiveness we would be some pretty sad people. Regarding getting burned out...I just have learned when to go all out and when to order the pizza...I still want the friends over.

Kirstin said...

I am so behind on reading posts!!! I need to catch up as I have no idea what Barney Butter is (C:

The turkey reminded me of a story. When we were younger and living in the Seattle area my family was driving on I-90 into Bellevue. I looked out the window and saw a wild turkey on the side of the road...only I was the only one who saw it and no one believed me because it was not a "wild turkey" spot. They still tease me to this day!

I don't think I've been burned, but often feel like I'm the one always doing the inviting. It seems that the majority of people we know are so busy that time is just not made for socializing. And as youth pastors, alot of our time is spent with young adults (which we love and don't mind).

Donnetta (momrn2) said...

You know my friendship story...

Oh what a process this can be. A good one, mind you, but one that takes time and needs permission to do so.l

Thanks for the reminder and encouragement to continue the process. It has felt a bit raw, for whatever reason, lately.

see you there! said...

Not burned out on entertaining but have slowed down quite a bit. I think it is just my winter blahs taking over.

I do need to make some phone calls and to at least catch up with a few people. You've inspired me to put that on the top of my To Do list today. Thanks as always for the inspiratin.

Congrats to the Barney winners too.