11/19/07

"The Conversation" - Men & Entertaining


You might say, "My guy just doesn't want to entertain. He doesn't enjoy it."

For most women in America this would be true. Men are social beings but not in the way most women are. In fact, it was a source of contention between my husband and me when we were newly married.

Here's what my hubby has to say about this subject. I asked if I could share it with you.

It's about men and conversation.

Conversation?

Yes, Conversation.

The conversation. Say you talk your husband into having company. You have worked on him for three weeks, even worn his favorite lingerie, and he finally gives in. You might think that he doesn’t like the couple you have in mind, and in most cases this is not true. He likes them: he just doesn’t want to talk to them as much as he knows that you want him to talk. Dinner conversation is something he has never figured out, like the Rubik’s Cube he got in high school.

The following is a healthy, meat eating, legitimate male conversation with another guy who’s over for dinner:

Your guy: “How you doing?”
The other guy: “Good.”
Your man: “Good.”
Other guy: “Work’s been tough.”
Your philosopher king: “Yeah. Work can be tough sometimes.”
Together: “When’s dessert?”

All this is said while making slight eye contact, then checking out the crown molding in your dining room, especially the seams, where we know a man’s craftsmanship either shines or fails. This lack of eye contact is not offensive to another man because too much eye contact from anyone, even you, spells trouble to us. It’s creepy. And it usually leads to questions.

Sound familiar?

I can’t expect my man to be like me. Once I understood better what he’s about and why, we were able to work things out over the years.

We came up with conversation starters and got in the groove … together … with this entertaining thing.

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For more conversation starting tips, check out my "Commandment #5 Igniting Conversation" post here.

(Photo: My husband, Paul, fly-fishing on the Klamath River this past weekend with great friends, Jason & Tom!)

8 comments:

ValleyGirl said...

This is one area where we have the exact opposite problem. I'd be fine living the life of a hermit, but hubby would much rather have people over all the time. He's a BORN CONVERSATIONALIST and can engage absolutely ANYONE in a lengthy conversation. It's the one area that I really wish I was more like him!!

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

My husband is the natural entertainer in our marriage. He LOVES to entertain- we'd have people over every night if it was up to him. And he does conversation so easily and well, I am the one who doesn't have the natural ability to entertain. Although I definitely have the desire.
I have wondered if it was growing up as an Air Force brat and now as an active duty member himself that developed the people skills he possesses. I have always said that he can make friends with a door in five minutes flat.
This was a great post with really good perspective on the male aspect of entertaining. I enjoyed the conversations post!

-Andrea

Barb said...

This is really accurate to our situation. I'm happy to have people in and meet them elsewhere as well, but my husband can only take so much socializing. Early in our marriage I also had to learn to talk less when we interacted with others, to give him a chance to say anything! There were a handful of times when the company went home and he wouldn't have said more than "Hi!" because the rest of us didn't pause to give him a chance to say the few things he had to say! :o(

Tarrah said...

Thank you for this post! My husband is the one who does all the talking though. He is wonderful when it comes to asking the right questions to get a conversation going. I on the other hand never know what to as or talk about with someone I don't really know. I really enjoyed the commandment #5 post and look forward to working on this with my husband.

Now that we've moved closer to our church and civilization :) we hope to do a whole lot more entertaining. He's looking forward to it also.

Linda said...

Hey Sandy, thanks for commenting at my site. I really liked this post, esp. the part about checking out the seams and crown moulding. The whole thing is difficult for both my husband and me, though, which is bad. And yet I find myself hosting a large Thanks feast on Saturday. Yikes. Out of the comfort zone. I'm enjoying reading your posts!

Tammy said...

I loved this post...mostly because we went through the Love and Respect series and that part about making eye contact is SO true! LOL

Except, count me as one more here that has trouble making conversation naturally. Like Linda just above me, both hubby and I both aren't super at it, which makes it a real challenge!

But as you said, having a list of conversation starters would make it so much easier! I'll check it out...
Blessings!

Elizabeth said...

Loved the male conversation. It gave me a good chuckle! :)

However, if you know Joe and me, you'll know that Joe is the social butterfly. He talks people's ears off so much that I sometimes feel that I need to give him a little kick under the table. He'll never turn down an invitation, and he's always the last to leave a party. He wears me out sometimes! However, he forces me, the family member with "hermit tendencies" to break out of my shell now and then. It's a good thing.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, Sandy!

Sandy E said...

Hey Sandy, Happy Thanksgiving to your family and congrads on the 1yr for the Blog,I love your comments and ideas. FYI if you already have seen this book "Celebrate Simply" I found it on www.countingthecost.com,thought of your blog and wanted to share with you. My husband loves to be the life of the party except when he is tired and then its lets stay home alone. So yes you have to work at TIME for conversations and people to be a part of your life.God bless you with your entertaining efforts and family time. Sandy E.