Squelching FEAR

Fear is often a major enemy of love. Paul and I have taught our kids, since they were little, what fear is:
False Evidence that Appears Real.

When it comes to entertaining, fear seems to make its way into the very idea of even trying to put something together. At every opportunity, it’s there to try to squelch relationships. It is a robber.

We all have a fear of rejection.

In reading your comments over the past few weeks, I am sensing there are a lot of worried entertainers out there! Worried that their food won’t turn out, worried about what to say, or worried about initiating new friendships in general.

Remember it’s a great form of flattery to be invited to someone’s house for a meal. When I get invited for dinner, I look forward to the break, I love being waited on, I really enjoy the conversation that takes place with friends, old and new, and I really don’t see mistakes or mishaps that take place. I’m too busy relaxing and taking it all in!

And, I get so tired of eating my own cooking; therefore I love the taste and creative meals that others come up with! It is interesting to watch the dynamics of how each household is different, in how the family interacts and gets involved. Everyone has their own expertise when it comes to food. And families have their own style of eating together, be it buffet, a sit-down dinner, or the “you’re on your own” approach.

Here is something to think about: If the people you invite over see every little mistake you make, is it worth even having them as a friend? I’m not sure those are the kind of people you would want to hang around anyway.

I think back to when one of my friends forgot to put sugar in the pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving Day. We all had a good laugh, but we devoured it anyway, and it was delicious because of the sweet cream on top. Another friend smoked us out of the house because the dressing on the lamb boiled over onto the bottom of the oven. That didn’t stop us from having a great meal, and the lamb was scrumptious! Our hair and clothing smelled a little different when we went home, but who really cares?

There is always something that doesn’t flow or go exactly the way you think it should. Right?

Much of our fear would dissipate if it weren’t for our concern about earning other people’s approval.

Efficiency tends to deal with Things.
Effectiveness tends to deal with People.
We manage Things, we lead People.
(Admiral Grace Hopper)

I’m encouraged to make that phone call and get a dinner date on the calendar. To make it happen. I want to be effective in the lives of people around me.

I want to get the job done, to be a catalyst in being involved in other peoples’ lives.

Feed people, lead people.

Get it? You can do it!

(visit to St. Louis this last weekend with the Schmiesen Family)

I also want to thank momrn2 for giving me for the Thinking Blogger Award last week. This award, is given to those that cause one to think, and are inspirational to others. I am humbled and honored to have been the recipient of this award.

Following the rules of passing this on, 5 friends that cause me to think and my heart to grow are (in no certain order): Rhoda at Southern Hospitality, Autum at Creative Little Daisy, Rachelle from Seek First His Kingdom, Linda from Reminisce...and this and that, and Leigh Ann from The Pink Kitchen. The rules are that these friends will pass this award on to 5 of their friends that encourage and challenge them in their thinking. So many bloggers are worthy of this award!


Rhoda said...

Awwww, thank you SO much, Sandy! I'm awed that you put me in for an inspirational award. That is so neat...I'm so glad you are enjoying my posts & I sure do enjoy reading yours! You are encouraging me to get off my chair & start entertaining more...to stop complaining about the lack of friends in my new city & start cultivating some of the friendships I have made to a higher level. Thank YOU for that!! I'm starting this month with a dessert gathering for several neighbors that we have not met yet, so here I go!

Southern Hospitality

Barb said...

I vaguely remember that very smoky meal (I think I tried to block it out of my mind) and one red-haired guest who marveled that the smoke was so bad, his eyes were smarting. Ouch! But it definitely makes for a great "hospitality" story now that it's over! Thanx for reminding us that hosting others isn't about us. :o)

Leigh Ann said...

Oh Sandy, I'm just thrilled to be on that list. What an honor!

You know your blog has reminded me how much I love to entertain and to get out there and DO IT!

I like the "feed people, lead people". So true, so true.

Cheers! LA

Rachelle said...

Woohoo, Sandy, you made my day! What an honor. I will be sure to pay it forward very soon. Thank you!

YOU have an awesome blog! I'm so glad I have a new place to visit.

linda t said...

Oh my goodness... I am humbled that you would mention me and my blog! I am honored!
You need to know that I love YOUR blog! That your blog is the first I check every morning. I feel such a connection to you Sandy... as though we've know each other forever. And that is how we'll feel when we meet some day... and we will! I know it!

Karen said...

What a great entry...I would love to have folks over more - I sometimes feel so inadequate as a hostess - but I have to admit, I love one aspect - serving others.

autum said...

Thank you so much Sandy. You are such an inspiration to me. I'm so touched and honored that you included me in this award.

Jami said...

Great reads today! :) I love your blog!!

Julie said...

Hi Sandy,
I so agree with you...it's a pleasure to eat a meal I didn't have to prepare. And I really enjoy seeing how other families do things!

And DARN! I just nominated you for the Thinking Blogger Award. Guess I should have visited you FIRST.

Blessings to you!

Nadine said...

Sandy what an excellent post. I love False Evidence that Appears Real - that was great. I love to entertain and if I just relax everyone is relaxed and has a good time.

Thanks for sharing. Congratulations on the award.

linda t said...

Hey Sandy, I just posted the blogs that make me think... that challenge and inspire me.
Thanks again for thinking that my blog makes you think!! You are so sweet!

Bettsi said...

You are my favorite Thinking Blogger! This is a well-earned award. I'm having an open house on Easter. Yes, you heard me! Action conquers fear, by the way. See, I'm learning! Thank you again, for all of your encouragement and caring.

Christine said...

Great post! I worry about those kinds of things too. I want so badly to be a gracious hostess that I guess I forget about the fellowship in favor of the Martha-like doing.

HeatherJ said...

Oh, that is sooo true! I love "False evidence that appears real." I am going to share this with my kids. Besides, when I go to someone's house and their house isn't perfect or dinner isn't perfect, I am actually relieved. It is the perfect ones I feel uncomfortable in, because I feel like I have to live up to that. MarthaStewartIdous.

I saw Katie Brown's show once, and she said she answers the door in a bath robe with her hair in a towel, and gives the guests assignments while she gets ready. I wish I could do that!

Gardener Greg said...

This is great food for thought(no pun intended). I have to agree with you and some of these replies, anytime I can get a meal that someone else is fixing, I am happy. Yesterday here at work, we had a benefit lunch for a small child needing an operation. The plates were five dollars each and the girl that sold the meals worried all day that the food would not be good. The truth is no one would have said a thing if they got a plate full of dirt so she stressed for nothing. I try not to do that. Great blog and subject. Now when do I get invited to dinner?

GiBee said...

So many people feel like they have to be like Martha Stewart or Julia Child, when the secret of entertaining and making people feel at home in YOUR home is to BE YOUR SELF. It's easy!